Log in

No account? Create an account

Fri, Jan. 9th, 2009, 01:48 pm

I think I've forgotten how to meet new people and how to keep the existing friendships I have. Ignoring my coworkers and Robin, around here, I can only think of one or two people I consider direct friends that I've seen in the last few months. I know it seems like whining, since a lot of the time, I'm perfectly happy to stay in and be left to my own devices, but occasionally, I wonder what happened. It seems to me that most of the relationships I've had with others have basically rotted.

I think I would like to get out of this rut, at least a little. But I don't know how to do that. Even the thought of spending a single evening a week out seems like too much. Some things never change; a few years ago, I was caught between these two, and I still continue to be. At least I'm more productive when I'm at home now, though. (Perhaps that has something to do with it.)

And even when I'm around people, it's hard to find an interest in them, so it still seems pointless, especially when I don't know them that well and nothing sticks as a result. So what do I really want, anyway? I don't know.

Fri, Jan. 9th, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)

Should I come visit the Bay Area after all? :P

Fri, Jan. 9th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)

Oddly enough, I see people from out-of-town far more often than I see people who live here, and that's not what I'm mumbling about here. It's your call either way, but I wasn't trying to guilt other people into doing stuff or changing plans. :)

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 03:36 am (UTC)

Just make sure to let me know if you do

Fri, Jan. 9th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)

Man, I hear you! Wouldn't it be nice if we could just do away with that irritating built-in need for human contact? Being biologically required to keep in touch with at least a few folks in a social manner drives me nuts sometimes. I don't really WANT to be with people; why do I feel this nagging need to do so?
I actually feel a lot better about social contacts after the winter break, tho. Something about being snowed in and then having leisure time to stay inside for extended periods made me far more willing to reach out to human beings by the end of it. Maybe you need a vacation with lots of downtime?

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)

That's probably a lot of why I feel the way I do now. I stayed home over Christmas and had a solid week and a half of nothing to do. I tried and somewhat succeeded at making myself do something on my to-do list every day, so I wasn't completely useless, but I guess there is something to be said for being around other people. Of course, what I really want is the option to be around other people for the 20 or so minutes it takes to get sick of it, and then I want to be able to turn them off and go do something else. :)

It doesn't help that I know a guy who is scarily hypersocial and wants to continue that trend into 2009. One of his aims this year is to help people link with each other, so it would be pretty easy to follow along with that. But do I really want to give up huge amounts of time (or even little amounts of time)?

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)

You should be able to just give up whatever amount of time you want...

I wish I was more like you guys. I go nuts when I don't have people to hang out with, which is the problem with Japan.

Also, the thing is, I was thinking of visiting, but I'm sure if I did, I would force you to get out and see some other local friends... I have weird reasons for not wanting to visit though, which I'd be happy to explain sometime not in a public post.

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)

Thing is, I'm not even sure how much time it is I want. It's all just a bunch of impulses. Many have been the times when I've gone out and within an hour found myself bored and thinking "man, I could be spending my time better if I were at home". It's quite likely a function of how well I relate to the people I'm with; when I went to Saskatchewan for my friend's hot tub parties, that was never an issue. (So I guess I'd also want to find people with which I relate better. Not that I relate horribly with people, but most people I know I can't keep up a conversation with for more than a few minutes.)

And I wouldn't classify myself as not "going nuts when I don't have people to hang out with"; I think it just takes me longer and I don't go quite as much nuts.

I'm curious as to what your reasons for not dropping by are, but take your time in delivering them however you want. (And, honestly, it's fine if you don't. I'm actually going to be around the border Jan 24 to Feb 1, so I could come by and say hi, though logistically speaking, it could be a nightmare. I can't succinctly say why, so I might have to shoot you an e-mail or something...)

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 01:18 am (UTC)

Interesting, will you be in Vancouver, or where?

Yeah, we should chat on IM or by email or something sometime. It HAS been a while.

Of course it's all a matter of how well you relate to people. I don't want to just spend time with random people, I want to spend time with people I like talking to :) Which is tough sometimes.

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 01:26 am (UTC)

Well, uh, the complicated part goes like this.

I intend to drop by Vancouver for a week because, well, I didn't get to over Christmas (didn't want to take a lot of time off, and then I was prepared to drive, but the snowstorm nixed that), and my little brother gets back from Ghana on the 28th. But last year, my parents bought a 7-acre plot in Mount Vernon, and they drop by there on weekends, so I plan to fly into Seattle on the 24th, take an airporter bus up to Mount Vernon, and then follow them back up to Vancouver for the week, then return the following weekend and fly out of Seattle on the 1st.

So I don't really have any flexible transport handy. I can't rent a car, because they don't let rental cars out of the country. So if I were to wander down to Seattle, I would have to steal a car from my parents, and I don't know how well that would work. We all have Nexus cards, so we can slip through the border pretty much whenever we want, meaning that I could theoretically wander south for a day during the week, but I definitely want to be present when my brother gets back.

If you are thinking of wandering up to see Matt and other people, though, then I'll definitely be handy :)

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 08:35 am (UTC)

Oh, yikes. I'm in Seattle from Jan 17th to Feb 3rd before I head back to Japan; was actually thinking if I went down to CA it'd be somewhere in that timeframe where you are going up to BC. So, we'll see. I won't have a car either so I wasn't really sure if I was going to try to come up to see Matt and whoever. It wouldn't be totally out of the question though, maybe I can take the train.

My weird reasons for not visiting CA could be summed up in that I'd really be doing it to see a particular person, and for various reasons I don't know if they'd actually want to see me, and even if they DID, it might be bad for me to be around them in the first place, but at the same time I might be sad if I leave the country without seeing them. Eh.

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 10:26 am (UTC)

Wow. Well, my BC plans are fixed, at least as far as flights go, so if you decide to come down here, it's no biggie. I'm sure we'll see each other again at some point. (I'd been half-hoping to get sent to Japan for work, but that never happened, and is less likely to now both because most companies are trimming back the travel budgets and because we have someone in the group who is working out of the Tokyo office, and his job, aside from doing what we do, is to be the guy who goes on-site for customers.)

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)

...what I really want is the option to be around other people for the 20 or so minutes it takes to get sick of it, and then I want to be able to turn them off and go do something else


You know, they have "speed dating", where you sit down with someone for 5 mins then switch, and see if you ever want to talk to them again. Why can't they have that for more casual relationships? Or heck, have that for your entire evening?

I find people-time to be less of a waste when I'm doing something I'd do anyway with the person. So thinks like knitting groups are enjoyable to me because they're casual, we know we can all talk about SOMEthing we have in common, we CAN leave after 20 mins, and we're doing something we'd do anyway even if left to our own devices at home.

Do you have any hobbies like that? If not, what about going to a movie, play, concert, etc?

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:54 am (UTC)

I'm not sure "speed hanging out" would work too well for me, at least. Ugh. ;)

Video gaming is what I've traditionally done with other people. I wouldn't mind going out and taking pictures of random stuff with other people, but I don't know anyone around here who would (which suggests I should join photography clubs, but people I know through clubs tend to be just acquaintances). There are gatherings around here of geeks or otherwise brainy people to hack on stuff or hold talks or that kind of thing, and it does sound intriguing, but I'm still intimidated by the concept of extroverted geeks. :)

Clearly, I haven't put a whole lot of thought into this. Such is the nature of whining...
(Deleted comment)

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)

There's an emo union?

That makes me more emo. *slicesliceslice*